What Hurts The Most
by WiseWithWords
Summary: After turning down Emily's invitation to the Love Ball what exactly is going through Naomi's thoughts?


**Disclaimer: I do not own Skins.**

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Screw her. That was Naomi's first thought. Why did she feel everyone else had to be informed of their business? Because that's what it is, it's between the two of them. They're having sex occasionally; they're not even in a proper relationship. _But she wants you to be, that's why she asked you to the dance; isn't it? _Naomi's conscience wouldn't seem to shut up.  
_"_I'm not ready for all of this" is the only reply she has for the little voice inside her head.  
It was hard enough letting Emily inside in the first place. Inside the barriers so carefully constructed ever since…

What would they all say at college? It couldn't get much worse; everyone already thought she was gay thanks to Emily's idiot of a twin sister. Katie hadn't bothered herself to spread the news that it was actually Emily who had kissed Naomi, not the other way around. Not surprising really, Katie always just believed what she wanted to believe. Screw the consequences and other people's feelings, especially Naomi's.

It's not as though she didn't care about Emily, she thought to herself. She cared so much that it scared her, how another person could have such an effect on her. It was quite hard for Naomi to accept that she relied on Emily, she wasn't entirely self-sufficient. She needed Emily to make her happy, to make her complete.

Now she was very close to losing her for good. Why couldn't she have just agreed to go to the stupid ball? Effy had already as good as told her that she was okay with her and Emily, maybe the others (excepting Katie, that was unavoidable) would be okay with it too. It sounded so ridiculous when she thought about it to herself but Naomi was scared to lose the friends she had so tentatively made this year.

It was the first time in years that she had felt a part of something, this group of friends that had come together on the first day at Roundview College. She couldn't stand some of them at times and sometimes wondered why she put up with them at all. There were two quite simple answers and they both scared the shit out of her.

One, she couldn't imagine life without them, even if everything was messed up at the minute and Effy and Cook were still missing and everyone was unhappy. She had been happier the past year than she had been in a long time, longer than she could remember.

Two, Emily. Simple as that, much as she couldn't imagine life without Effy, Pandora, Freddy, JJ, Cook, Thomas and even Katie she would give all of them up in a heartbeat for her, for Emily. Not that Emily would ever ask that of her, they were her best friends too, not to mention her twin sister. But she would do it and that's what scares her most of all.

But if Emily's worth losing all of her friends for why won't she risk it and go to the ball with her. It's time to get over herself and her silly fears. She remembers the look on Emily's face when she walked out. She never wants to be the cause of that again. That's why she stops crying and turns over to go to sleep. She will need a solid eight hours of sleep if she's to go anywhere near the Finch household in the morning.

It's a daunting prospect but she has to apologise to Emily. And she will, she will beg if she has to, beg Emily to allow her go to the ball with her, beg for forgiveness for the suffering she knows she must have caused to create that broken expression that broke Naomi's own heart and to beg her to go out with her, to be together, to be an open couple.

She's determined to do this face-to-face and not hide behind a phone or computer. That's why it hurts when she has to resort to these forms of communication to get Emily to talk to her let alone meet up and look at her. Emily doesn't know that she did really try, did go to her house to throw herself at the other girl's feet and plead for another, a final chance. Naomi doubts Mrs Finch took it upon herself to inform Emily of her visit, not after what she said to her about her "impressionable" Emily and how she told Naomi not to screw her daughter up and to just "disappear".

Just when she has worked out her feelings and is ready to finally make a commitment Emily decides to give up on her. It's karma. She hurt Emily and now Emily is hurting her. Neither meant to do it, it just happened that way. They could both be happy if they just sorted out the tangled web they've got themselves caught up in. Naomi knows this and she knows that Emily does too. In all of this, she thinks as Emily's phone goes to voicemail yet again, that is what hurts the most.

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_Reviews are appreciated._


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